


Young and in Love

by Lilacskylester (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: First Love, Light Smut, M/M, Phandom Big Bang, Phandom Big Bang 2017, present!Phil, punk!dan - Freeform, tw alcohol, tw self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Lilacskylester
Summary: When the coffee shop in the basement of Dan’s university is suddenly closed one evening, he uses his phone to track the next closest one. But who was to know that his life would change entirely when he stepped inside? A story of love, heartbreak, and everything in-between, we follow Dan through the journey of growth and acceptance.





	Young and in Love

**Author's Note:**

> When I first signed up for the PBB, I had no idea what I was getting into. I did the smallest word count possible (and still went over, mind you lol) and put a lot of time and effort into this story. I went through so many emotions with this, most of the time them being how this wasn’t going to be good enough. But I had some amazing encouragement from so many people and that’s what pushed me through! I just really wanted to say that I thank everyone for making my first PBB one to remember! I definitely want to do this every year I’m in the Phandom from this point on! I also really want to thank my amazing beta Gabbie ( @tiredofbeingnice123 ), who stepped in when my first beta could no longer do the job. And for my artist @yolkoii who has done that beautifully done piece for this fic located at the top! I really just hope that at the end of the day, everyone enjoys this and has a great time reading it! Happy reading! :)

Dan found the little cafe on the corner of 1st and 2nd Main Street by complete chance. Most of the time, he would never go into a cafe; his persona just wouldn’t fit the pastel and hipster aesthetic that can sometimes go with such a place. But today, he didn’t have much of a choice. He had just finished his Uni lecture: a three hour long class talking about the importance of Shakespeare, and why his works are still timeless. He was already falling asleep, but he needed a caffeine boost if he wanted to get through the next class that would begin in an hour. He would usually go to his Uni’s cafe, but it was closed for the evening.

So really, the next best thing he could do was Google the next closest cafe, and walk over. It turned out to be only three blocks away.

When he approached the entrance, he felt a wave of anxiety wash over him at breaking his typical routine. He felt himself nervously twitch, and he tugged at the side of his beanie that was covering the tip of his ears, forcing it further down. It was chilly outside today; a typical February afternoon for London. When he awoke in his flat that morning, the sun had tricked him into thinking that the weather would be warmer, leaving him wearing a thin black hoodie that the air went through.

He put his hand on the door and pushed it open, grunting a bit at the heaviness of the glass paneled door. The minute his leather-studded boot touched the dark wooden floor, he could almost feel everyone’s eyes on him. He brushed it off, shaking his head slightly. He pushed the thoughts about people’s stares and silent judgment aside; the whole idea that this wasn’t his typical scene was making him slightly self-conscious.

As he walked further inside, he bit at his tongue ring in his mouth, and then bit his lip, and tugged at his lip ring. He let go of the ring just in time to see that he was stood in line behind a group of other people. Upon a quick look up, he noticed a member of the group was staring at him, but then quickly looked away.

He bowed his head, adjusting his backpack that weighed heavy against his shoulders. Maybe if he didn’t look up, he wouldn’t notice that some people were staring?

He wasn’t sure even sure how he got to the counter, as he felt like he was walking through thick fog. He set his backpack on the countertop and fumbled around in the messy bag for his wallet.

“While you’re looking for your wallet, can I start an order for you?”

Dan looked up and spoke before his eyes could focus.

“Black coffee, please.”

He went back down to pawing through his bag as he heard the random clicking and tapping that came with every cash register. After what felt like ages, he found the tattered black leather square at the bottom of his bag.

He quickly opened it and looked up just in time to be met with bright blue eyes. His breath hitched, and when he went to ask the price, his words got stuck in his throat. He coughed slightly.

Why did he have to be so awkward? Better yet, why was this guy so goddamn beautiful?

“That’ll be $1.99,” the worker said, putting his hand out to take his payment before Dan could even register what was happening.

Dan gave him a small smile and nodded. He dug through his run-down wallet and pulled out two crumpled dollar bills.

“You can wait over there for your drink,” The worker said, pointing to a small area where people were gathered around with straws and cardboard cup sleeves.

“Can I get a name?”

Dan nodded.

“Dan,” he spoke out, thankful that this time he remembered his own name.

The man nodded and smiled back, before asking for the next customer.

Dan shuffled down the line and waited for his coffee at the counter. But the whole time, he couldn’t take his eyes off from the man with blue eyes.

He mentally cursed himself for not looking at the man’s name tag.

Not too long after, his drink was handed to him, and he was grabbing his cream and sugar before heading off. However, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he needed to come back so he could see this man once more.

* * *

The following week went by in an almost blur for Dan. He got pulled aside in his Law class for not turning in a paper that was due three classes before. When he was questioned about it, he felt a pang of guilt for not trying harder; he just didn’t have the motivation anymore.

At the end of the week, he had a meeting with each of his professors. The decision to do this came after he got an email from his advisor saying that as of late, he was failing every class. He didn’t want to be known as the guy who flunked out of Uni, so he figured he would try and get some extra-credit to help bring his GPA up before midterms.

The first three professors seemed sympathetic and helpful. They offered him different lectures he could go to so he could earn extra-credit, and even to gain a better understanding of material. But it was the fourth professor that got on his nerves.

It was his English professor, and although Dan enjoyed English, it was clear that the professor did not enjoy Dan. The meeting ended abruptly, with his professor telling him to just focus on the class and he’ll end the semester with a solid B.

And then the fifth professor––his law professor––was the worst of them all. The professor did nothing but scream at him for not caring about the class and not doing his work. When Dan explained to him how he wasn’t even sure if Law was what he wanted to do, the professor suggested he drop out of the program.

This led to Dan making an appointment with his academic advisor for the next day. He figured that his advisor would help him figure out what he truly wanted to do, but the meeting turned awry fast.

The normally-kind older lady snapped at him, telling Dan to ‘knock off’ his ‘persona,’ because if he wants to be a lawyer, he can’t act the way he does now. When Dan tried to explain to her that he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to be a lawyer anymore, she told him that he needed to calm down and they’d schedule a meeting at another time.

Dan walked away from the meeting upset and angry. He was beginning to see university as a thorn in his side rather than something he’ll actually find useful in his life.

He doesn’t want to be a fucking lawyer anyway.

And frankly, he’s thinking about dropping out.

He actually doesn’t know why he hasn’t already.

In this time of pure existentialism, he’d headed down to the basement of his building to get an afternoon pick-me-up of coffee. When he got there and saw that the shop closed, he stopped and thought of where he could go.

And that’s when he remembered that coffee shop that he went to before. The one with the attractive worker.

He walked out of the building, listening to his music, and headed in the direction towards the cafe. He hasn’t been here since the last time –– quite honestly, he had forgotten about it momentarily. But now he was kind of…excited(?)…to go there. Maybe the attractive employee would be there again; though, it’s not like he’d have the courage to talk to him, other than to give his order anyway. The cafe’s sign came into view and he walked up to the door, pushing it open and smiling to himself until he looked up and noticed that the only working was a blonde female.

Dan snapped out of his thoughts only to realize that he was blocking the way to the counter. Still craving his coffee, he headed up to the counter where he subconsciously looked around for the worker from the day before.

“Um…,” he began without realizing it. “Just by total chance…I mean, not to sound creepy or anything…but is a guy with blue eyes working here today?”

He wanted to hit himself over the head. What was he thinking asking that? He couldn’t believe that those words had even came out of his mouth.

The girl, whose name tag read Louise, looked at him up at him and furrowde his brows. Her face was clearly showing slight shock at the question, “Oh, Phil?” She asked, and Dan just nodded, because maybe that is his name. “He’s working the night shift tonight. He’ll be working from 8 to 8 overnight.”

“Oh, okay.” Dan answered, trying to stay cool as he made a mental note to come back here tonight to work on his homework instead of stay in his flat.

“Any particular reason you’re asking?” She asked.

Dan stood back slightly and stuttered for a moment.

“He, uh…h-he makes me a special drink.” Louise cocked an eyebrow.

“Does he now?” She asked with a smile now forming. “That’s such a Phil thing, oh my. Well, can I get you anything that will make up for you not getting your special drink from Phil today?”

Dan smiled in his head, feeling a tiny bit giddy from just the way she spoke. But he kept his composure as he answered, “A black coffee is fine,” even though it came out as more of a mumble.

She looked at him and replied, “Such a tame drink. That’ll be $1.99 by the way.”

* * *

Dan went back to the cafe at around midnight. He was going to come earlier, but he found himself trying to pick out a nice outfit and freaking out, as if he was going on a date. He opted for a pair of Adidas track pants and a hoodie, so he at least looked like your average “college-student-who-needed-a-fix-of-coffee-in-order-to-stay-awake-to-write-a-paper.”

Truth be told, Dan probably wouldn’t have done the paper if it wasn’t for this. It’s a paper based on some subsection of law, and he’s supposed to interpret them.

Okay, so it was the paper that was due three classes ago; he really just didn’t want to do something that boring. However, he decided that he might as well do it if he wanted a reason to go to the cafe.

Dan didn’t even know why he felt a need to come back to the cafe just to see this ‘Phil’. Sure, he often thought about the way ‘Phil’ looked when he first saw him, but Dan had never gone to the work of going to see someone just because he thought they were cute.

He walked into the cafe and was a bit taken back at how eerily quiet it was in there. There wasn’t any music. No one else was there, and there isn’t even any sign of ‘Phil’ behind the counter.

He took a seat in the dimly-lit cafe in a booth and began to set up his work station for the night. He had everything ready when he hears a loud gasp, followed by what sounded like metal clanking onto the ground.

Dan jumped and turned around to see a worker bent down towards the floor. He was cursing under his breath as he picked up the metal objects that fell out of his hands. Feeling bad that he may have caused this, Dan got up and rushed over to the counter.

“I’m so sorry if I scared you.”

The male looked up and laughed, before throwing the dishes into the small sink on the side of the counter.

Dan smiled inside his head because the male looking back at him was definitely Phil.

“No,” he said shaking his head as he laughed, “it’s not you, I promise; I’m just not used to seeing anyone here at this time of night. Every time I work the night shift, I normally use the time to wash everything up and get it clean.”

Dan looked at him, almost guilty.

“I just need to finish a term paper, but I can leave if it—”

Phil shook his head.

“It’s all good; I actually think I’ll enjoy the company for once.”

Dan smiled at him.

“I might not be good company.” Phil stood up straighter and just shrugged.

“I don’t believe that.”

Phil then cleared his throat and pointed towards his abandoned seat.

“You better get working then. And I should too actually.”

Having forgotten about that stupid paper, he nodded sadly before giving Phil another brief smile and heading over to his spot.

* * *

The time flew by after that. Really, he didn’t even realize that it was close to 5 a.m. until he felt his eyes begin to close, and his body begin to sag and lean in the booth. He desperately needed something to help him out because he was threateningly close to falling asleep here, and that would be embarrassing.

As if right on cue, Dan heard the sound of squeaking and he woke up momentarily to see Phil sitting across from him.

“You look like you need a little bit of a push.”

He pushed Dan a mug of something and Dan opened his eyes wider to evaluate what it was.

“What—?”

“It’s a caramel macchiato,” Phil said with a smile, “my favorite.”

Dan stretched before reaching down and taking the mug in his hands. He brought it up to take a sip when Phil suddenly exclaimed, “Don’t drink it yet!”

Dan looked at him, confused. Phil sheepishly added, “I just made it and if you drink it now, you’ll burn your mouth.”

Dan set the mug back down and smiled,

“Thank you for giving me the warning.”

“I’m not going to let you injure yourself, Dan, just because you’re half asleep.”

“How did you know my name?”

“You told me the last time you were here and I took your order. I didn’t mean to sound creepy.”

Dan shook his head.

“No, no! Please don’t think that I thought of that way,” he said, “I’m just tired and my brain is fried. I have a class at ten, and I probably should go home and sleep. But if I do, I’m literally going to dream of these fucking laws and I’m so sick of it.”

“Oh…you’re in University?”

Dan nodded.

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?”

“I’m studying law and I hate it,” Dan quickly explained.

Phil pursed his lips.

“Oh, that makes sense. I completed my degree in English Language and Linguistics about two years ago.”

Dan’s ears perked up in that statement. His brains began to go through possibility after possibility of Phil’s words. He was still thinking when he caught Phil yawning across from him.

“I hate these long shifts,” Phil spoke, “They always get the best of me.”

“Make a coffee for yourself?” Dan suggested, pointing down to his own drink on the table.

Phil shook his head. “I’ve had enough coffee for the night.”

Dan went to speak again when the door to the shop opened and a middle aged gentlemen walked inside wearing a business suit. As Phil got up to serve him, Dan caught himself staring at the man and thinking to himself that that could be him one day. He could be that man wearing a suit and ordering a coffee at five in the morning.

And man, he wasn’t sure if he wanted that.

He was still thinking when he watched Phil waltz around behind the counter as he made the man his drink. He replayed Phil’s words about him having a degree already over in his head and he bit the inside of his cheek.

Maybe Phil could help him out? Sure, he didn’t quite know if he wanted to be a lawyer, but he could still pass all of his classes. And maybe by some luck, Phil had taken similar ones which meant that he could help him out.

Unfortunately, that was such a long shot and frankly, Dan didn’t know if Phil would even be up for that. He didn’t even know if Phil wanted to be around him. Dan’s appearance can be striking to most, but that doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person to be around — maybe Phil was just talking to him to be nice?

Okay, that was definitely what Phil was doing. But maybe he would be willing to help Dan out?

Dan was still in his thoughts when the middle aged man left and walked out the door, allowing for the heavy glass door to bang on the way out. He turned his attention back to his essay, and with a defeated sigh; he knew that his fifteen page paper was not going to happen when he was only on the seventh page now.

He was about to close his laptop down and pack up his things until he heard the squeaking of shoes come back over to him again. Phil plopped down on the other side of the booth and sighed, “I’m ready to go home and sleep.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, me too. I should probably go and get some rest before my class.”

“Did you finish your paper?”

“Yes,” he lied.

Phil smiled at him. “I had faith that you could do it.”

Dan caught himself smiling as he packed up his items into his backpack. He zipped up his bag and was ready to stand up when Phil spoke up.

“It was fun to…hang out with you,” he said hesitantly, “if you can call this hanging out? Anyway, I enjoyed talking with you! Believe it or not, you made great company; even if you didn’t talk much.”

Dan nodded, at a loss for words. He looked down and realized he still hadn’t drank the drink that Phil had made. He went to grab it when Phil beat him to it and picked up the cup.

“Let me put this in a to-go cup!”

Dan watched as Phil hurried to behind the counter and dumped his drink into a cup and put the cover on it. He wrote something on the side of the cup with a black marker, and Dan couldn’t help but be curious of what it was.

When Phil came back over with the drink, Dan took it in his hand and adjusted his backpack, his body feeling weak from exhaustion.

“Come again, please!” Phil chirped.

Dan nodded and replied, “I definitely will.”

He turned around and headed for the door when he remembered that Phil had written something on the side of the cup. Looking at it, he found himself smiling at the note.

Enjoyed talking 2 U. +447911123456

Dan knew it was a cell phone number when he looked at it, and really, he was more than that Phil gave it to him.

Too bad he lied to Phil about finishing the paper that he was never going to do.

* * *

Dan wasn’t even slightly shocked when he got an email from his academic advisor three days after he attempted to complete his overdue essay. It was an urgent email that read he needed to make an appointment her—in her own words—“ASAP DANIEL.”

So he emailed her back, and they decided they’d meet at 3:45 pm on that Wednesday afternoon.

He walked into her office, taking a seat in the cushioned chair before relaxing back and expecting the worst to come out of her mouth. And sure enough, it did.

“Dan,” she started with her hands folded against the desk she was leaning on, “I just got emails from your professors — and you’re failing four out of your five classes.”

Dan felt his heart race in his chest: how could he failing almost all of his closing? From what he remembered, he was borderline-passing — right?

“And,” she continued without a pause, “unless you turn yourself around completely, as of right now, you’re going to fail out of university.”

He stared straight ahead at her, momentarily forgetting how words work. He never thought it was ever come to this; that he would go from getting in unconditional, to uni, to now flunking out.

“What can I do?” he finally said.

“Maybe get a tutor to help you if you’re struggling that much?” She asked sympathetically, “Our university offers great tutoring programs that you can join to get the academic help that you need.”

As soon as Dan got the email for the tutoring office on campus, he began to question if this effort was even going to be worth it. He knew that he didn’t want to be a lawyer, yet he was continuing with the program anyway. And furthermore, he didn’t even know if this would make any difference in the end if he wasn’t sure this was his path anyway.

But then his phone vibrated in his pocket and pulled it out, looking at the screen. It was a photo that Phil sent him of a design of a cat that Phil had made with special technique within the coffee. The caption with it was, look at the new trick I just learned!

And that is when everything clicked inside Dan’s head and his fingers worked faster than his mind.

To Phil: you said you have a degree, right?

From Phil: Yep! One in English language.

To Phil: Do you think you could help me out?

Dan gnawed at his lip as he waited for Phil’s reply. He was unsure if Phil was willing to help him, and he was honestly scared that he was going to look like a lost cause in front of Phil when all he wants to do is impress him.

Dan looked at the screen long enough to see the bubble with three dots pop up, meaning that Phil was typing and Dan would get his answer soon.

From Phil: With what?

It was then that Dan realized that maybe it would be easier to just meet Phil at work and explain it to him there. He knew that he couldn’t disrupt Phil when he was working; but if he was texting, that meant he was on a break of some sort.

He picked up the pace as he walked down the sidewalk towards the all familiar cafe. The heavy glass door once again seemed to stop him. He used most of his muscles to push it open, before cursing himself for not being in shape.

He spotted Phil right away. The raven-haired boy was sat at a booth, with a donut half-eaten on the table. Dan took a deep breath as he prepared himself to ask Phil this simple question; one that was now beginning to seem as a terrible decision.

“Hey, Dan!”

And no turning back now.

Dan smiled at Phil and rose his hand to wave at him and replied, “Hey.”

Dan slid into the other side of the booth across from Phil, trying to not act any more awkward than he probably already was.

“What did you need me to help you with?” Phil asked in his normal bubbly voice.

“Oh,” Dan spoke, trying to play it off. “So, um, I’m not doing good in uni right now.”

“Oh no!”

“Yeah,” Dan added, “and so…I need some help. You see, I’m failing majority of my classes and I…gosh this is embarrassing. I was wondering if you are feeling up to it…um, if you could look over my class list and see if maybe we took any of the same classes an––”

“Dan,” Phil interrupted him his ramble, “of course I can tutor you! What classes do you need help with?”

Dan opened his backpack and fished out his class list. He placed it on the table. Phil looked it over, reading through the classes and the descriptions of each before tapping his fingers against the wood.

Dan could feel himself becoming anxious as he waited for Phil’s answer. When it finally came, the relief seeped through his veins.

“I took three out of these five classes so I can definitely help you out!”

Dan smiled brightly, feeling the color go back into his skin. “That’s so great to hear!”

“I’ll see if I can find my old files of notes for these classes,” Phil said with a cheery attitude, “When did you want to start?”

“As soon as possible!” Dan chimed in. “I need the help as soon as you’re available.”

“Well, how does tomorrow evening sound?” Phil asked. “I’ll text you after my shift ends today to discuss the details. But as of right now, I need to head back to work, as my break is over.”

Phil stood up and shoved his phone inside his jeans pocket before taking the remaining bites of his donut.

“Talk to you later, Dan!” he spoke with a mouth full of donut.“Glad to be of help.”

Dan blushed and smiled as Phil turned his back and waltzed.

“Glad you’re willing to help me.”

Stuffing everything back into his backpack, Dan quickly threw the bag onto his shoulders. Glancing one last time behind him towards Phil, who was currently turned around behind the counter and putting together some frozen drink, Dan found himself smiling. Maybe his life would turn around after all.

* * *

Standing in front of the building, Dan looked over the address that Phil had texted him for the millionth time. He’s been looking at it since his taxi dropped him off here almost a half hour ago. Dan was nervous person by nature, so standing here was tweaking his anxiety in ways he couldn’t explain. His hard exterior was crumbling under the weight of his own fear of humiliating himself in front of Phil.

After finally deciding that the address was correct, he embarked on the three foot journey to the door of the building. Grabbing the handle, he sighed when it was locked. Looking around the outside, he found a voice box and looked over the names on the list besides the bottom. Phil’s name came up as “Lester, P.M” and because he was the only name with a P somewhere, Dan knew it had to Phil’s. Pressing the bottom, he heard the static before a matted, “hello?” came through.

“It’s Dan.” Dan spoke with a slight tremble in his voice.

“Oh, yes! I’ll unlock the door for you!”

Hearing the click of the door, Dan let go of his finger on the bottom and gripped the handle instead. The door freed easily and he walked inside of the building. He remember Phil’s directions in the text he was sent. He was told to take the stairs to the second level and he’ll be the first apartment on the right side. So he did exactly that.

At the top of the stairs, Dan stood for a moment to catch his breath before knocking on the door that read “2” in a brass number. Not even one knock in, Phil opened the door and greeted him with a hot chocolate in his hand.

“Hello!” Phil exclaimed cheerily, “I hope you like hot chocolate because I made it fresh just for you!’

Dan flashed a nervous smile before taking the drink in his hand and walking inside. As he took his first few steps in, he couldn’t help but notice how clean everything was. From the floors to the areas around him; everything was spotless. A bookshelf glistened against the wall next to a window with clean white curtains. The walls were a dull white that made the entire room seem huge even though Dan wasn’t fooled by the size. The kitchen, from the corner of it that Dan could see, was completely pristine and Dan felt a little shamed being there. He felt too tainted to be in such a pure, nice place.

“Okay,” Phil said breaking the silence. “I found my old notebooks, and I’m hoping that my notes will help us; so let’s begin!”

Both of them sat down on the grey couch that donned the center of the room. Dan took a sip of the hot chocolate, which scorched his mouth before he sat it down on the coffee table –– but not after Phil had threw a coaster with a corgi under the cup.

Digging through his backpack, he pulled all of his notebooks out and spread them on the coffee table carefully. He really hoped that all of this worked for him. He’s come too far now.

* * *

Nearly two hours and two hot chocolates later, both Dan and Phil are laying on the couch. They were tired beyond comprehension, and their minds were completely fried from the crash course that Phil had been giving. Dan’s brain hurt; he couldn’t tell if it was a good hurt or not, and he was ready to sleep for hours now. He felt like he learned a lot from Phil, so he hoped it would show when he went into class the following day.

“I could go for a drink,” Phil said, pushing himself off from the couch before padding across the living room to the kitchen. Dan waited in anticipation for Phil to come back with whatever he was grabbing –– Dan secretly hoped it was something strong. Much to Dan’s dismay, Phil came back with a bottle of white wine.

“Do you like wine?” Dan nodded and watched Phil pour two glasses full of wine, before bringing the drinks over to Dan. Taking the glass, Dan took a long sip of it and sighed with the content and he was already feeling relaxed from just knowing he was drinking wine.

“I wish I would have pursued my degree better,” Phil stated without a warning. He was swishing the alcohol around in glass and watching it create a mini hurricane against the sides.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked.

“I got my degree and then never did anything with it,” Phil stated, “Here you are, going to be a lawyer and you’ve got such a promising career path. And what did I do? I went for English and walked away with a useless degree.”

“I’m sure it’s not all that useless…”

“It clearly is when I’m working as a barista in a mediocre job when I could be a promising author or even a journalist.”

Dan furrowed his brows, “I’m sorr––”

Phil put his hand up and stopped him. “No, don’t be sorry for me. I just work in a shitty job and have to deal with shitty people and I make minimum wage.”

“Phil…”

Phil drank down his entire glass of wine and he slammed the glass onto the table, luckily not breaking it, before getting up and walking back into his kitchen. A few moments later, he came out with a bottle of whiskey and said lowly, “I need something stronger.”

While Phil was pouring himself a new glass of liquor, Dan felt something inside of him break. Seeing how down Phil was about his own degree made Dan suddenly think, ‘why the hell was he wasting all this money on something he didn’t even want?’

He didn’t want to be a lawyer. Hell, for the longest time he told his parents he wasn’t even going to university. So why was he still going? Why was he still doing this? It didn’t make any sense to him anymore.

“I’m sorry for suddenly getting so snappy,” Phil said with a chuckle. “This just brought up some memories for me. But I promise you that my college experience was great!”

Dan smiled at Phil before shrugging and replying, “It’s fine. I get those thoughts a lot too.”

There was a silence between them before Phil picked up his phone and sucked in a breath.

“Oh gosh, it’s already after midnight. Do you want to travel back to your apartment or would you like to spend the night here? You can borrow my clothes; we look about the same size.”

Dan felt a blush creep over his pale cheeks as he looked down at the floor. He knew it was just a friendly gesture because it was late and terrible things can happen at night, but Dan couldn’t help but think of it otherwise.

However, Dan had to admit that he didn’t feel like getting a taxi this late at night and risk sharing it with a drunk who might throw up on him.

“I’ll stay here,” he said, and quickly added, “as long as I’m not intruding!”

“Oh, of course not! Let me get you some pajamas!”

Abandoning his spot on the couch, Dan watched as Phil ran to the room behind them and rushed inside. After hearing some rustling on the other side, Dan watched Phil come out with a pair of superman pajama bottoms and a white shirt. He couldn’t help but chuckle because they were nothing like his normal attire.

“This is all I have that you would be remotely interested in,” Phil said with a laugh, “You can change in the bathroom. I’m probably going to finish my drink and then head off to bed. I forgot I had to be to work at six — I’m gonna be exhausted at work tomorrow. I’ll be gone before you even wake up, so you can invite yourself out whenever you’re ready.”

Dan nodded and thanked Phil before heading into the bathroom and undressing, putting on his ‘new pajamas’ instead. When Dan came back out, the couch was pulled out to show a bed that was already made up by Phil. Smiling, he got down onto the bed and curled up, just as he heard the movement of Phil in the bedroom behind him.

* * *

Dan had a dream that night; one where he was able to see his future quite clearly. And he wasn’t a lawyer. In fact, his dream involved the idea that he didn’t even complete university but he was happier than he’s ever been.

Which was why when he left for university that morning, Dan walked into the dean’s office and told him he was dropping out of university. He felt a giant weight that was lifted from his shoulders, and he couldn’t even believe that he hadn’t done this before. This was truly what he needed all of this time.

He walked out with a letter in his hand that said the simple phrase:

“On behalf of all of us in the department of law, we wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

Crumpling the letter in his hands, he threw it in his backpack and walked out with his head held high. However, the realization soon hit him.

What was he going to do about Phil? He has just dropped out of university and Phil was tutoring him. Doesn’t that mean that Phil won’t have to tutor him anymore? Well of course it did, though it would also mean that he’d have to see Phil’s disappointment that he gave up. But Dan didn’t really give up — he just realized that what he wasn’t doing what he wanted to do.

But he couldn’t tell Phil this. No, he had to keep up the charade so Phil wouldn’t be upset.

Which was exactly why Dan went back to Phil’s apartment that night and continued to be tutored. And he did the same thing for the next couple of weeks. He gave no hints to Phil that anything different had happened. Soon, Dan began to develop stronger feelings for Phil.

On one particular night of their tutoring, they were both sat on Dan’s couch in his apartment. It wasn’t anything like Phil’s, but it was still something. Dan’s papers scattered in front of him, and Phil was reading through some of his old notes. But Dan couldn’t help to notice the beautiful stare of Phil’s eyes on the paper. They were perfect blue and white orbs that looked like the ocean. When he moved, his black hair cascaded down his forehead and he tucked it impatiently back into place. Dan also noticed that when he concentrated, Phil would purse his lips a little bit, which made Dan went so badly to kiss him.

But he knew that doing so would be out of line. He didn’t even know if Phil liked him back. He could ask Phil on a date, but that would take so much effort; and if Dan got rejected in the end, what was it all worth?

“Are you still with me, Dan?” Phil asked with a chuckle. Dan snapped out his trance and laughed nervously.

He replied, “Sorry, my brain is a little fried.”

Phil relaxed his shoulders and dropped the paper onto the table along with the others, “Yeah, I’m gonna have to say the same.”

Phil looked at the time; it was already 10:30 pm. He sighed.

“I have to go to work soon,” Phil said. “My shift starts at midnight. I’m working a half-shift to cover for Louise, since she has a little one and can’t afford to be gone the full night.”

“That’s nice of you,” Dan commented before he could even think of his words.

And see, that’s where the other problem lies: Dan wasn’t like Phil in any way. He had this tough persona that took years to build after constant attacks from his classmates in school. He had built up this character because he was sick of the shit he was getting put through.

But Phil wasn’t like that. He was a soft-hearted man with the capability to be nice to every person he saw.

They would simply never work.

For the rest of their time together, they went back over some of the notes before Dan left the apartment to allow for Phil to get ready for work. On the way out, he spotted a couple walking by; they both looked like they had their lives together; something Dan never learned how to do, considering the absence of a good parental figures in his life. He resorted to cheap clothing he bought on sale, and he felt as if he was irresponsible in almost every sense.

But noticing that couple made something inside of him change. For Dan, maybe this pesona didn’t work anymore. He wasn’t getting anywhere in life by being like this: being a punk. He wasn’t going to get a stable job or do anything he wanted to.

It was time for a change.

As soon as he stepped foot into his apartment, he walked into the bathroom and took out a few of his piercings; just to see how he looked. When he didn’t like what he saw, he stuffed the metal back into place and went to bed.

Dan woke up the next morning at a decent time: 9:45 am. He was already struggling to stay awake, wishing that he could just go back to bed. Checking his phone that was laid on the opposite side of his bed, he saw a text from Phil:

From Phil: They convinced me to work a double so come visit!

Deciding that was as good of an ‘excuse’ to visit Phil, Dan quickly climbed out of bed, got dressed, and then left his apartment, walking the direction of the cafe.

When he arrived, he noticed that it wasn’t busy for this time of morning. Slowly pushing the door open, he could hear Phil’s voice clear as day…and Louise’s as well.

       “I can’t just ask him Louise, he probably doesn’t even like me that way.”

“Oh, come on, Lester, I’m sure he does,” Louise said. “Although I have to say that the punk persona is a little much.”

“Hey!” Phil exclaimed. “I like his persona. I think it’s cute because he such a nice guy.”

Dan blushed furiously at the conversation; one that he clearly wasn’t meant to hear. He turned around and walked out of the cafe, hoping he wasn’t noticed before sending a message to Phil.

To Phil: Something came up and I won’t be able to come to the cafe. Come over later tonight to make it up?

After a moment of time, Phil replied back.

From Phil: Sure!

Smiling brightly to himself, Dan headed back to his apartment where he ate some cereal and then ordered pizza for lunch as he waited for Phil to arrive.

* * *

“I’m so tired,” Phil stated, already morphing himself onto Dan’s couch.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said biting his lip. “You can leave if you get too tired.”

Phil shook his head and replied, “I’m fine, just complaining.”

Dan laughed, raising up his wine glass and taking a sip of it.

When Phil had arrived, Dan didn’t know what he should do. He had just heard earlier that Phil liked him, but he didn’t know how to approach the subject. Should he just ask Phil on a date, or would that be too forward? Does he tell Phil that he liked him? Now that he thought of it, that would be really forward too.

“You’re cute when you’re thinking,” Phil stated, suddenly moving forward on the couch, angling his body towards Dan’s.

“You think I’m cute?” Dan asked, a blush threatening his cheeks.

Phil nodded, “Dan, forgive me for just coming out with this, but I do like you.”

“I like you too.”

“No,” Phil stated, “I really like you, Dan. As in I want to be more than just friends. After speaking with my coworker today, I knew that I couldn’t deny my feelings for you anymore. I really, really like you.”

Dan watched as Phil began to move in, and suddenly their lips were connected into a kiss that was barely there, but at the same time, almost too much. Dan smiled to himself as he tasted sweets, coffee, and wine on Phil’s lips; he tasted just as how he imagined.

Phil’s hand came up, holding Dan’s jaw in place as the kiss deepened. Dan was in complete shock that this happened; he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was even okay. He had a few other kisses in his life, but nothing with someone he really liked and wanted to be with.

Phil pulled back from the kiss, both of them panting in heavy breaths. Before either one could process what to do next, Dan was leaning in and reconnecting their lips again. And with the unspoken agreement, both of them knew what was going to unfold that night as they got up and walked, still connected, into Dan’s bedroom. Phil shut the door behind them with the hand that was on Dan’s cheek and their night finally begun.

It was only during the middle of the night that everything changed. Dan was asleep, unknowing of Phil’s movements. Needing to go to the bathroom, Phil got up and padded around the apartment until he found it. Using the toilet as silently as possible, he headed back out before spotting something that caught his eye.

On the coffee table in Dan’s living room was a crumpled piece of paper that had a red-letter heading on the top. Phil didn’t mean to be nosey, but he found himself walking to the paper and picking it up. Uncrumpling it, his eyes skimmed the page and anger flamed inside of his body.

With a few silent tears running down his cheeks, he crumpled the paper back up and went back into Dan’s bedroom. He noted Dan sleeping peacefully in the bed, his lower half covered by a blanket after the amazing intimacy that they had shared. Phil felt sick. He bent down and grabbed his clothing, dressing as quickly as he could. On the way out, he contemplated leaving a note but instead he just shut the door behind himself and left.

* * *

Dan’s eyes opened the following morning, filled with exhaustion and bliss. Turning on his side, he looked around for Phil. But he noticed quickly that the other side of the bed was cold. Upset, Dan fought back tears before getting up and wrapped the blanket around himself, feeling suddenly exposed.

How could Phil had left him like a one-night stand? He thought last night had meant something?

Reaching around for his phone, he unlocked it, expecting Phil to say he had got called into work early. Instead, he was left with nothing. No explanation. But he needed to find out why Phil left.

Dan felt dirty. Used. Defiled. Any other synonyms of words that possibly meant any of the ones he was already thinking. He wanted to get up and scrub away the touches from Phil that had meant so much last night. He wanted to cry because he felt something so deeply with Phil and he didn’t want it to disappear.

He whipped the blankets off from his torso and stood up from his bed. Rushing around to find some clothes, he immediately got dressed and grabbed his cell phone again. Shoving the device into his pocket, he grabbed his wallet and walked out of his apartment.

He was going to find Phil.

The first place Dan thought to go was to the cafe, as Phil seemed to always be there. And of course, to his luck, Phil was there. He was stood behind the counter with his apron tied around his waist.

A sudden fire rushed through him, like venom coursing through his veins. He rushed to the counter and snapped, “Why did you leave?”

Phil’s head snapped up and he put on a fake smile.

“Dan, if this is about last night…”

“Of course this is about last night!” Dan yelled, beginning to make a scene. “How could you just leave me this morning like a cheap one-night stand?”

“This is not the time for this!”

“No, Phil, it is! I think I deserve an explanation!” Dan snapped, frustrated. “No messages? Not even a note? What about a voicemail? You couldn’t explain to me where you were going?”

“No, Dan, because I think it’s better that we don’t see each other right now.”

The words slapped Dan across the jaw, causing a sudden pain in his heart — one that he felt would be there for a while. He felt sick to his stomach because suddenly, this was becoming terrifyingly real.

“What…Phil…?”

“No, Dan,” Phil said, suddenly moving from outside the counter to face him. “I’m done with your lying. How could I? How could you? You used me and lied to me!”

“I didn’t want to lie to you, Phil!”

“Oh yeah?” Phil asked, tears welling inside of his eyes. “Then why didn’t you tell me? Why did you lead me to believe that you actually cared about the work I was doing with you? Why couldn’t you have just told me you dropped out of Uni?”

Dan stared at him, almost surprised.

“Because it was supposed to be…”

“Supposed to be what, Dan?” Phil asked, a tear sliding down his cheek.

Dan went to speak again when Phil lifted his hand up to stop him.

“No,” Phil spoke icily. “You know what? Maybe your persona fits you a little too well, Dan. You lied to me and led me on and I don’t like that. If you would have just came forward and told me, maybe I wouldn’t be forced to do this. But right now, I think it’s best that we don’t see each other.”

Dan felt his heart fall from his chest and shatter against the tiled floor. Phil wiped his eyes a few times before walking back behind the counter and throwing his apron on the granite surface and rushing into the back.

Dan looked around, noticing that everyone was staring at him because what just unfolded.

Maybe Phil was right. Maybe this entire thing was Dan’s fault.

Turning around and not making eye-contact with anyone, he quickly exited the cafe and headed down the street, ignoring the stream of tears that freely chased down his chin.

Back at his apartment, Dan stood in front of the bathroom mirror. His normal brown eyes were now swallowed in darkness, and the surrounding white was a bloodshot red from all the tears. His hair––which was perfectly straightened before––was now a disheveled mess. For a brief moment, he didn’t recognize the man looking back at him.

The first piercing falls onto the porcelain with a clank, and soon after, the next surgical steel bars follow suit. When all of the metal was laid around the sink countertop, Dan looked into the mirror and saw his image as a normal, clean cut teenager; one who just wants to find his place in life.

Taking the piercings in his hand, he opens his medicine cabinet and grabs an almost-empty pill bottle. Opening the top, he throws them in and then closes it, shoving the bottle away. Slamming the medicine cabinet shut, the mirror cracks like a spider-web.

Now he really didn’t recognize himself.

Walking out, he heads to his living room and goes for his secret cabinet of liquor under his coffee table. The last time he was in the cabinet was with Phil.

Grabbing a bottle of whiskey, he cracked the top open and began to chug it. It burnt the entire way down his throat, and when he pulled away for air, he was choking and wincing. But he put the bottle to his lips again and drinks once more.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he picked it up to see that he had one missed call from his grandma; someone who he hasn’t spoken with in a long time. Unable to answer it, he instead grabbed his phone and contemplated texting Phil.

Maybe if he just texted Phil why he did what he did, everything would be fixed?

He opened the message app and his thumb hovered over Phil’s name, but he doesn’t have the courage to press it. Instead, he locked his phone and threw it somewhere across the room. He watched it land on the floor, and sighed. The bottle weighed heavily in his hand, and he took another swig.

* * *

Dan twitched from the cold air as he descends down main street, his boots scuffing against the pavement. His was coming from his first-ever job interview for a job at a local bookstore he applied for. He was pretty sure it went well; his mind told him it did anyway.

…Alright. So there’s a slight pang in his step. He pushed down the negative thoughts in favour of having a nice afternoon, and turned a corner down the street. He was going to pick up lunch from a pizza shoppe.

Seeing the familiar red awning, he walks under it and opens the main door. When he went inside, he was immediately hit by the scent of pizza. He was content like this; being able to walk into a place and not have everyone stare at him.

He was sure that some of the holes where his piercings were would close eventually, but he was okay with that; he learned to love himself without them.

Dan stepped up the counter, confidently saying his name for his order before hearing a soft voice echo it from behind.

“Dan?”

He turned around, looking for the person that the voice belonged too. Phil was stood in the back of the line for pizza. He was wearing a red sweater—one that appeared to have reindeer on it—and a pair of black skinny jeans. Dan could have laughed when he saw Phil; it was nearing the end of April, not December.

Grabbing his small pizza and paying the cashier, he walked back to talk with Phil.

“Hey,” he quietly spoke.

Phil smiled at him. “How have you been?”

“Good.”

“You took out your piercings…”

“I didn’t feel like they suited me anymore.”

“Look,” Phil began, “I’m sorry for snapping at you a few days ago in the café. I was upset that you hid that secret from me, but…but I get it now. I get why you did it. At the time, I was just so angry that I couldn’t think straight. But Dan…I really am sorry for that.”

Dan shrugged, “It’s fine…I mean, it’s not fine, but I’m glad you apologized. It means a lot actually.”

“What are you doing on this side of town?” Phil suddenly asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I had an interview at the Willow Root bookstore. I decided to stop by and get some pizza.”

A smile broke out on Phil’s face, “That’s awesome to hear! I got a job working for the newspaper now, and they let me off from work early. I thought I’d swing by and grab a pizza myself.”

Dan looked between the sizzling hot box in his hand, and Phil; who was stood in front of him.

“Do you want to come back to my apartment and split the pizza with me? I’m sure I won’t be able to eat it by myself?”

Phil smiled.

* * *

They were lying next to one another on Dan’s bed, both of their torsos wrapped in the duvet cover. Dan was nearly asleep, his body exhausted from what had occurred. Phil was laying next to him, looking at him with his bright blue eyes.

“You know, I was wrong about you,” Phil said softly. “Your piercings make you look beautiful. Why did you take them out?”

Dan swallowed nervously. “Because of what you told me.”

“Do you still have the piercings?”

“Of course.”

“Then let’s put them back in,” Phil said sitting up. “You shouldn’t have had to change for me, Dan.”

Dan shrugged, feeling the sheet move down his body as he turned over.

“I don’t think I need to,” he answered.

“Why’s that?”

Dan sighed and replied, “Because you made me realize that I wanted to be a different person. When you said what you did, it made me see that I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I wanted to be anymore. I wanted to be someone different.”

Phil smiled at Dan and rolled over closer to him. “I’m glad that I helped you realize that.” He paused and added, “And I’m even happier that you walked into the coffee shop those few months ago.”

Dan smiled, because he was happier than ever now. He had Phil back in his life and he knew now that Phil was here to stay. He was content with all of this. With his new life filled with no piercings, and a new attitude that launched the rest of his adulthood.

And last, but not least, he was happy that his university’s coffee shop was closed that one day in February.


End file.
